hoot goes the owl

Forgive. Forgive. Forgive. Forgive….

treehuggersinc — Thu, 05 Jan 2012 04:47:38 +0000

Humans are at once the most terrible and wonderful of creatures. I think you can see this most clearly in the context of family. Family simultaneously has the power to make and break you. If your family, in particular your parents, are terrible, it never fully seems to matter. They can beat you, molest you, verbally and emotionally rip you to shreds, neglect you. They can withhold any type of affection or compassion. They can do all these things and more, and yet, we all still seem to love them. There is something about wanting, or needing, our parents approval and acceptance, about loving them despite themselves at times. And yes, I am including the most heinous of persons, there is still something in children and in human beings period that wants to be accepted by their parents. It affects everything else.

There is a little bit of many of these things in families, hopefully not all of them of course. But there are also many beautiful things about families. Your parents hopefully also teach you values and morals, how to love, and what is right from wrong. They hopefully teach you how to stand up to people and handle conflict. It may be in their own way, and I realize still not all families have that to offer, but not all families have all the bad either. Yet it still pains me to see how we can hurt each other. There are so many scars that are created in the fight for this love. I understand more and more as I get older that there needs to be forgiveness all along the way. This doesn’t always mean trust, but it does always mean forgiveness. And potentially it means forgiving over and over and over.

I am afraid to be a parent, but I am learning not to be. I am most definetly going to make mistakes, and I am going to make some of the mistakes my parents made; but hopefully not all of them. There is room to improve in every generation and in every situation. We are all humans; terrible and wonderful. And that means that we also have to learn to forgive ourselves.

In my job I see the worst types of people. I hear horrible things. I meet people who have done terrible, heinous things. And yet. Their kids still want their approval and their love. And they are still people. I can’t say how I would react if I found out something terrible happened to my child at the hand of another because I have fortunately never been in that situation, and hopefully never will be. But I know that if I don’t forgive my parents, and my family, and these people that I meet. If I don’t teach my kids that I do therapy with how to love and forgive while still protecting themselves (in not so many words) then I know that the healing process for them is going to be a lot slower and a lot harder. It may not come at all, and then they will potentially become the abusers themselves. There is always room and need for forgiveness and protection. We will always have the need of want. Of wanting to be loved and to belong, of wanting to be protected and desired. But none of these things can ever fully be achieved without the heart of forgiveness.

Teach me how to forgive.

2011 baybay!

treehuggersinc — Wed, 04 Jan 2012 23:23:50 +0000

I figured I might as well continue the tradition of doing a recap of the previous year since it allows me time to reflect. Looking at my 2011, I’m pretty excited about my 2012. That is, until the world ends… My year in a nutshell:

2 of my beautiful friends got married; I was the Maid of Honor for the first time in one, and the other couple got married with two precious adopted African children. Epic. Numerous friends got engaged and even more are pregnant; one of my good friends had a baby who is now 9 months old. One of my roommates moved out. I have a room and bed for the first time in a year and a half. I went to Bonaroo and Hawaii for the first times, rode a plane by myself for the first time, and had my first sprained ankle. I got a small raise and am finally really starting to understand and become skilled at my job, I got a second job tutoring at my school after hours and started Ju Jitzu classes. My sister graduated college. I started leading a cell, have seen it dissipate, and am now seeing it rebuild into something new. The cicada plague was upon us while I attended an incredible conference at my church. New friends were made, and memories abound. The new year ended in Destin, FL with friends, and it couldn’t have been a more perfect way to spend a (mostly) incredible year.

New Years!

treehuggersinc — Wed, 04 Jan 2012 23:22:13 +0000

In Destin with some of the most incredible people ever.

Humans Hurt

treehuggersinc — Thu, 01 Dec 2011 05:03:14 +0000

“To err is human; to forgive, divine.” -Alexander Pope

I am thinking about the “to err is human” part of this quote. So very true. We will mess up so many times. It’s so hard being human. Having free will, making good decisions, not hurting other people. How fragile our lives are, the effects our decisions make affect so many people. We live in the moment at times and it is messy and we mess up, then we have time to tell us of the wounds we have inflicted. Or we can over-analyze til our minds bleed this sick infectious pus of self-hatred and regret; til we’re so consumed by self-pity we’ve forgotten the true initial moment; why we made that decision in the first place and how we got there. It is so hard to be human, and so easy to err.

baby momma drama

treehuggersinc — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 04:08:03 +0000

More and more I am noticing that people my age have kids. If they are single, this means baby momma drama in a lot of cases. I am not saying all, because I know there are exceptions. However, the fact of the matter is, I may end up dating a person who has a kid already, and I am facing questions that come along with that.

When would it be appropriate to meet the kid? When do you address baby momma issues and involvement? Even if the mom is a great girl and doesn’t have a problem with the dad dating other people, there is bound to be some jealousy that can come when the new girlfriend starts hanging around the kid because of the fear of being replaced as a mother. Even if these fears are unfounded (because kids are way more resilient than we give them credit for and place a lot of value on their biological parents) it doesn’t mean that the jealousy or fear of “what if?” isn’t going to be there. Which may ensue in problems for the new girlfriend. And in questioned loyalties from the father.

Then there is the whole issue with holycrapamIreadytobeaparent? Because if that relationship goes anywhere, I will be, right off the bat. And that is intense.

This isn’t a development that is happening in my life, I am just beginning to recognize the possibility more and more. So many of the people I have been meeting right now in life have kids already, and it’s probably not such a bad thing to at least put these things into consideration.

Hug a Thug

treehuggersinc — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 03:55:19 +0000

Today, we had this training at work called Street Gangs 101. I have been waiting for this training for quite a while, and it was so well done. I am so interested in gang culture and facts and history, etc., and it was an incredibly informative training. The last part of the training had to do with a story, and a video. The man doing the video has been working with juveniles involved in gangs for years and is a respected professional and therapist. During the video, he was talking about how important affection and encouragement is to our kids. What struck me was that he was basically quoting scripture without knowing it. I am constantly amazed at how unoriginal everything is. God’s Book literally sets the stage for every issue we could face on this earth, and I am constantly reminded of that. I don’t work with a Christian organization, I hang out with a lot of people that are not Christians, and I work in neighborhoods and with people that my “Christian” friends would perhaps shun or be scared of. But there is so much GOD in everything I do and in all the people I encounter and in all the experiences I am having with this population.

During the video, he kept saying that it is all about the transformation of the mind being key to recovery and rehabilitation for those who are so entrenched in the gang culture they are having a hard time getting out. Sound familiar?

“Be not conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” -Romans 12:2a

Then, he kept talking about how these kids need encouragement, and to be told “I love you!” and to be affirmed and to be hugged. One of the supervisors at work was talking about an experience she has had here working at Johnson, an alternative school here in North Nashville. She said her second year working there, she walked into her classroom and there was this perky, energetic southern woman painting “Ignore, Redirect, Tell the Teacher” on the board. Crystal (one of the supervisors), said that she almost went to the dean of the school and said, “Heck no I am not working with Mary Poppins! These kids are going to think she is a joke!” She chose to stick it out instead and found out within 15 minutes this was no Mary Poppins, she was a true southern woman; a woman who sugar-coats with an accent while laying the smack down. However, she also told Crystal that in their class, every morning they were going to say “Good Morning! I love you!” and give them a hug, and every afternoon they were going to say, ” Have a good night, be safe, I love you!” as they were leaving. Crystal laughed and said “yeah, right.” Southern belle, said, “Yeah, right!” So they did it. And the kids responded. And every morning they said back, “Good Morning, I love you!” after a while, and every afternoon, “Have a good night, be safe, I love you!” Crystal said that they may be cussing a person up and down in the hall on their way to class, but they would stop in the middle of their rant, almost without thinking, and they would say it back, then continue cursing the person out. Another teacher on the hall made fun of them, and as a joke, told his class one day “Everybody stand up! I’m going to give you all a hug, one at a time; we’re going to call it Hug a Thug day!” The kids thought he was joking, (he thought it was a joke, too) but he still made them do it, and he gave them all a hug. They laughed, they shrugged him off, they were uncomfortable; he thought it was stupid. A few days later, the kids all started asking when they were going to have Hug a Thug day again, and they really wanted to know.

This teacher realized this was actually important. These kids need affection, and encouragement, and love, and praise. They may have murdered someone, they may be running drugs, they may have sexed a girl into a gang, the list goes on and on, but they need love. They are people: we are all people who need genuine affection, encouragement, love, affirmation. Why do we think it matters who it’s directed towards? Or who even wants that? Who cares if a person cusses you out every single day when you tell them good morning, I love you, because I guarantee the one day you don’t, they are going to notice and ask for their good morning and I love you and say it right back to you. (Another thing that happened to Crystal, after A YEAR AND A HALF of getting cussed out every morning after saying that. That student is graduating from high school, going into the military, and still e-mailing Crystal about his progress, by the way.)

It’s amazing where we see the Lord, and hear the Gospel, and see the effects of love in action if we will just listen and hear.

I am Unicorn

treehuggersinc — Tue, 11 Oct 2011 23:30:59 +0000

I am Unicorn: the name of a Glee episode from two weeks ago. It involved believing that you are a unicorn, and as Kurt’s dad says on the show, “a unicorn without a horn is just a horse.” A unicorn was chosen by the character Britney, and she says the character Kurt is a unicorn because he is magical and he believes in himself. At one point during the show, Finn didn’t believe in himself, but when his teacher told him he believed in him, he performed better than he thought possible.

Last night at Emanate, which is a ministry for people in their 20s and 30s, A.J. Jones, an incredible speaker, talked about believing in yourself. She talked about the difference it can make when someone believes in you, and how even if you think that you can’t do something, if someone you trust tells you they believe in you, that it can make a huge difference. So, she challenged us to a 40 day negativity fast. A negativity fast is when you cannot say anything negative, not even anything sarcastic, as A.J. pointed out that sarcasm is normally a form of humor with a negative or judgmental base. This means that you have to change your thought process to being positive as well, and that you also cannot say anything negative or think anything negative about yourself. Hold your thoughts captive.
Of course, with today being the first day and also being an incredibly trying day at work…I have had my moments. However, I will try my best to fast negativity, and the Lord has already shown me different ways that He will encourage me in my journey.

I had supervision this morning at work, and my supervisor looked at me and one of my co-workers and said that we have to learn to believe in ourselves and that we belong in this profession, because she believes in us. She believes in us, and challenged us to believe in ourselves! It’s like she went to hear A.J. speak as well. I also came home, and after having a slight nervous breakdown on the phone with my mom (ahem…perhaps where I may or may not have complained/been negative a bit…) I decided to watch Glee. Because I love Glee. The episode I watched was I am Unicorn, which I have already explained, and is yet another way in which I feel like God is on my side. Which is great to know considering this morning I wasn’t sure that He wasn’t mocking me.

And that isn’t sarcasm…I was seriously wondering.

Heavy feet.

treehuggersinc — Sat, 08 Oct 2011 02:46:12 +0000

There are some days where I just feel heavy. Like, physically heavy. I can feel it in my legs and my chest, and even my arms feel weighed down. I don’t feel this way often, but today is one of those days, so it’s on my mind. I was eating dinner and I thought, is it normal for someone who is only 25 to have so many sad stories inside? I try not to dwell on them of course, but today I just kept seeing snip-its of life and stories and experiences in my mind’s eye and was thinking that it seemed like an awful lot of sad. I am a naturally happy person. I know that sounds contradictory after the previous few statements, and will continue to seem so in the next statements, but it is true. Every once in a while it just hits me that it’s hard to be a social worker, and you know, a person in general at times. The guidance counselor at my school really hit the nail on the head the other day. Myself, she, and the social worker at my school were sitting around, talking about a sexual abuse case I just reported and the guidance counselor let out a huge sigh. Then she said, “You know, it’s really hard to be in this job. Not only do you have to listen to and read about all the things that are going on in these kids lives, but we also have to be the support for the teachers who are having mental break-downs. So basically, we are responsible to all the people in the school, to hear them all and support them all, and we just really don’t have anyone to talk to. Confidentiality won’t let us talk about too much outside of work, and there is no one to talk to but each other inside, but we are normally all too busy to have that luxury. It’s hard, isn’t it?” And I was like, yeah. Yeah, it is hard sometimes.

Then I just got done watching the movie 50/50, which is incredibly good by the way, but also incredibly sad. But the therapist in that movie also pointed out something, she was talking about how she can’t self-disclose because it doesn’t work that way in therapy. The therapist is supposed to listen to the client, or patient, and can’t self-disclose, because then the person being served feels the burden of their emotion and can recognize their weaknesses and therefore are not as likely to trust and disclose to them, because they don’t want to make them more sad, or because it becomes a conflict of interest and makes it harder to share. As a therapist, you get really close to those you talk to, and sometimes really want to share about your life with them, but you just can’t.

And another thing me and my social work friends talk about is that we never have to tell someone we are social workers, random people just seem to know. Strangers seem to open up and talk to us on a regular basis about things that are really sad or are bothering them. Or our friends know that we are social workers, so we hear the tough stuff because they don’t know who else to turn to.

I want to make it clear that I love my job. I love my friends, and I never want them to stop telling me things and asking my personal/professional opinion on matters, because frankly, I really do love to hear about things and try to help. Tonight I am just feeling heavy, and wanted to write. It can just be hard at times. Being a social worker holds so much responsibility. The reason I went into it is because I am in these verses:

“Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:
to loose the chains of injustice
and untie the cords of the yoke,
to set the oppressed free
and break every yoke?
⁷ Is it not to share your food with the hungry
and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—
when you see the naked, to clothe them,
and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood? “

Isaiah 58:6-7

It’s a miraculous job that allows me to carry out the Gospel and get paid to do it. It’s incredible, it is just also scary. And a bit lonely at times. It is scary because you are dealing with persons who are at the bottom of the barrel, many of them at their wits end either mentally or physically, and they are depending on your words at times to get them through. That is terrifying. The therapist in 50/50 also spoke of this, that “It’s just scary because what I say can literally F* a persons life up.”

I deal with many things through humor, and that is good, but in that, I also have to search for the balance of compassion so that I don’t become burned out and callous.

Because that would be way worst than being sad and lonely at times; to not be.

My summer…

treehuggersinc — Tue, 30 Aug 2011 22:25:34 +0000

…was epic. Not gunna lie.

First, I went to Bonaroo with some of my wonderful friends. I loved so many of the bands; Eminem, Lil Wayne, Mumford and Sons, Grace Potter, Arcade Fire, My Morning Jacket, Neon Trees, Ray LaMontagne…just to name a few. And it was a blast getting to spend time with Nashville and Auburn friends, few things bond you as much as sleeping in tents outside with thousands of other people in the dirt for four days without any showers and only a porta-potty to go to the bathroom in. Just sayin’.

Then, I went home for a couple days before going to Hawaii for 15 days with my friend Gus. It was magical. My friend Lauren lives there, and it was so great getting to visit her! It was like no time has passed when we were hanging out together, our conversations flowed just as easily as if we were continuing one from the day before. Hawaii is like being in a postcard, where you walk around and are breathless all day every day because of the beauty that surrounds you. I seriously felt like I was either in an epic postcard or a movie the whole time I was there. It was incredible!!

Then, I went back home to Alabama and stayed for a couple weeks, because it was my birthday and I wanted to celebrate with friends and family. A few friends also came down for four days and we stayed at a beach condo in Gulf Shores. I went home to Tennessee soon after to get ready for work to start back and to move into my new room, and this summer was just great. I feel so blessed to have the opportunity to have a summer like this. I hope the next one is just as great!

And…I have a room and bed now! After a year and a half of sleeping on couches or floors in random people’s living rooms, predominately one, where I stayed for 10 months, I have my own space! My parents brought my furniture and some of my belongings a few weeks ago, and it has been so lovely! I still had to wait on a bed for 2 weeks, in which case I slept on the floor in my room for a while, but that made it all the more exciting to have a bed! Life is good, people.

Soapbox.

treehuggersinc — Tue, 30 Aug 2011 21:49:20 +0000

Disclaimer: The Facebook status I am about to soapbox on does happen to be from someone I really love and respect as a person. I am not slamming the person at all, so I hope it doesn’t sound that way, I am just not keen on the concept. I feel like a lot of people, from the south at least, think this, and I’m not feeling it.

So, this is the post:

“You know I really understand the wanting to be single and everything, some scared others don’t wanna be tied down so they can travel and be “free” to enjoy all life has to offer…but believe when I say there will come a day where you’ll look around and there wont be anyone to tell it to because…you were ‘free’ “

So anyways, check it, I’m a little confused here….did all of my family and friends get on a cruise ship to party and it sank? Because I don’t understand why, as a single person who wants to enjoy life, I all the sudden don’t have anyone at all to talk to except my significant other. I mean, real? Where did everybody go? Am I only supposed to have one person in life I talk to, and that is my husband, because excuse me, but I’m about to be real bored without any friends or family all the sudden. And why can’t a person travel and experience the world while they are single? If a person uses that excuse when you ask them out, it probably is partially true, but they probably also turned you down because THEY JUST DON’T WANNA DATE YOU. You ever think about that? I’m not saying you shouldn’t be upfront and just say that, but it is easier to say something softer, like I just wanna explore the world for a bit, because they genuinely might feel that way! And that’s okay. Everyone is entitled to their own lifestyle, so why do some people get all in a tizzy about it? Besides, even if a person wants to be “free” and they live their life no strings attached, is it out of God’s hands that they get into a relationship when the time is right? Who is to judge why someone doesn’t want to be in a relationship? Why is it your business?

I’m sorry, I know I’m killin it right now, but I am just so tired of seeing/hearing stuff like this all over our media; on the internet, on T.V., in our church pews. A person has a right to be single just as much as they have a right to be married. Some people, gasp, are actually happy single. To you that may sound blasphemous, but if it does, Ima say you need to check yourself…because the problem may lie therein, not in others personal decisions with what to do with their own lives.